She Speaks For the Rest of Us

I know what it looks like, but I promise we don't willingly submit Lana to such extreme abuse. As we got closer in line everything seemed to be OK...that is until her turn came up. At that moment we were already committed. It took about a nanosecond on Santa's lap before the shutter opened fire to capture the horror. Maybe next year...

Louder Than Words...

Okay, this has got to be one of the funniest pictures ever! That's me on the right. I don't want to incriminate anyone so I'll leave the identity of the person on the left anonymous.

Create a caption for this pic and post it as a comment. The winner will be recognized as a superior human and I will dedicate a paragraph to them on this blog!

Just Listed

We just put our home on the market to see if it sells before we head off to Missouri for a while.

Narrowing the Name

Previously on TGT11 I posted a list of baby boy names that we were thinking about giving to our soon-to-be-born son. This has been pretty stressful for Christa. She needs to have everything figured out well in advance. I, on the other hand, would be fine deciding on his name at the hospital. Christa wins. We've decided on the following:

Beckham _____ Kelley

The middle name is still up in the air, but we've tossed Frank around in honor of my dad. Thoughts?

Why Beckham? We think it's cool and like the sound of it. Christa's sister actually suggested it.

Stuck

Lately Lana loves to climb up on chairs and just sit there. It's true. Sometimes she'll go into her play room and just sit on one of the chairs in there. She doesn't do anything or make any noise. Just sit. Here posture is perfect, too. I could learn a thing or two. After the pictured predicament I think she'll learn to pull chairs away from under the table before she climbs up.

Plymouth Rock

I hope everyone had a great Thanksgiving last week. We had kin over for the feast. Mom, Niki & Joe, Dane, and Christa's sister Kimberly. I didn't take many pictures, in fact, this is pretty much it. After we demolished a whopping 2,347,809 calories Dane showed us all up on the Wii. Kimberly rocked the free world on Guitar Hero. And Black Friday adds were tossed to and fro (alright, who split up the Target add?). Thanks to everyone who helped out and brought food more than fit for human consumption. We didn't go around the table and say things that we are thankful for as is the custom with many American families. So here it is. I'm thankful most of all for my family. I wouldn't trade them for the world. Not even a rock and roll lifestyle where Ozzy opens for me! I love Christa for putting up with me. Lana is the best blessing ever. And I can't wait to welcome Beckham into the world. Cheers!

Trunk or Treat

Last night we graced the ward Trunk or Treat activity with our presence. Lana was a butterfly, Christa was a witch, and I was an emir. It was pretty fun. One of the funnest things was not being recognized by other ward members. Success! Another fun thing was skirting around calling the guy that dressed up as Fat Bastard...Fat Bastard...in the cultural hall of the church. "Wow, did you see Joe? He's the uh...Fat Ba...er...uh...the fat Scottish guy that yells 'Get in ma belly!'..." in the distant background I hear a thundering "Get in ma belly". "Yeah, that guy." finishes I.

Chili, cornbread, dry ice cider, and dough nuts were on the menu. It's a stretch to open your mouth wide to eat when you've got a 'stache glued to your lip. A little more spirit gum did the trick. Lana wasn't interested in eating much so we decided to go run around the halls. The gym was like a freakin' sauna so it was nice to get out. While we were in the foyer folks started heading out to their cars to pass out tricks or treats. Some redneck lady straight from Jerry Springer's "My Husband Left Me for the Sheep" episode wearing a black Staker-Parsons construction sweatshirt managed to holler out that my costume was offensive as she ran out the double doors. Wow. I wanted to say about 53 things, but she disappeared so fast and I didn't want to ruin the fun. I don't value the opinions (or the existence) of those who contribute to society by wearing a heavy path between their couch and their refrigerator for 87% of their lives. Nope. My costume rocked!

After everything was said and done I'm most proud of Christa. She's not the Halloween type that gets excited to dress up as something different. Being five months pregnant doesn't help. But, she pulled it off. In the space of 24 hours she put together a pretty rockin' witch costume. The only snag was the tights. The Halloween store didn't exactly cater to the maternity crowd. A little Martha Stewart snip here and a McGyver trick there and she was sporting some sweet purple and black stockings that stayed where they were supposed to stay. I tried to get her to sport some hideous latex witch nose, but that idea was quickly cursed.

Lana is the cutest butterfly ever. See for yourself.

Punkins

Ok folks, I know it's been a while. I was in Maryland for the greater part of September. When I got back my mom got in an accident, my brother-in-law broke his neck, and my older sister now has pneumonia. Sheesh! Anyway...

One of my most favorite holidays is upon us: Halloween! Aside from planning my costume seven months in advance, there are some little things I like to do a little closer to October 31st. Like carve pumpkins. Or jack-o-lanterns? It's a pumpkin until the carve is complete, at which point it officially becomes a jack-o-lantern, right? It's the whole caterpillar-butterfly relationship, but only paganer...more pagan?...scarier. Yes. So, we took Lana to the pumpkin patch and she mostly ran around picking up pumpkins she could manage just to throw them back on the ground. I was so proud. We brought home three gourds and will lay knife to their tender skins this weekend. It's the best.

Can I get a rain check?

I'll admit there are a few shows I like to watch on the tele, but I rarely find time to catch 'em and I got rid of my DVR (I know, what was I thinking?). Well, one of those shows that I worship is The Office and yesterday Season 3 came out. I was pretty excited to pick it up from my local Best Buy (thanks for the gift certificate, Kim!), but when I got there it was all sold out. At $32.99 it's a pretty good price and like I mentioned, I had a gift certificate. Afraid that the price would go up after a day or two I thought I would do the "safe" thing and get a rain check. That's what rain checks are for right? I mean, c'mon people, right? When an advertised item runs out of stock you get to come back when they do have it in stock at the same price unless the ad specifically states "no rain checks". At least that's what I've been raised to understand. Correct me if I'm wrong, Mom. According to Best Buy, I'm wrong.

After standing in line at the customer service counter for a good 23 minutes a blue shirt and a name tag that read "Rachel" greeted me with a forced smile. I explained the situation and that I would like a rain check. Easy enough. She went to work pulling the SKU and typing furiously at her terminal. I gave her all the information and the next thing I knew there was a proper printed rain check in my hand. Awesome! I was ecstatic. Then, the unexpected:

"Alright, sir, you're good to go," she said.
"Great! Thanks," said I.
"This rain check guarantees the price, but not the item."
"OK...wait. Excuse me. What?"
"The rain check guarantees the price, but not the item."
"I don't follow [I looked down at the $39.99 price]. Why would this guarantee a price higher than what it's marked today? Isn't the purpose of a rain check to guarantee the price?"
"Like I said, the price is guaranteed, but not the item."
"So you say, but why would I want a rain check for a 33 dollar item that guarantees that I can pay the full 40-dollar price tag later? Why would I do that?"
"I don't know, that's our policy."
"Well it sucks...[I turn and walk away counting backwards from 10 while taking deep breaths]"

America, I apologize for my naivety. All this time I've been believing in something that just isn't true. It's sad that I had to go through this embarrassing ordeal to finally see the error in my whays.

Baby Boy Names

OK, so we found out the we're having a boy next. Deep down I was kind of hoping for another girl for a few reasons. (A) We already have a ton of girl stuff, and (2) Lana is so much fun and the cutest girl on the planet...another daddy's girl would be great. (Note to self: delete this post before Tim Jr. get's a chance to read it)

Anyway...back to the name game. We're having a hard time picking out a name. Before I create a poll and allow folk to vote, I need to populate a list of possibilities. So lemme have 'em. Reply to this post with your ideas for names. I've had a few gems, but Christa doesn't like names like Thor Hammer Kelley so help me out.

If the creative juices aren't flowing yet allow me to start things off with some that I've been kicking around.

James
Marshall (I'm told this one has zero chance)
Jack
John
Timothy
Ryan
Hanson
Dillon (Dylan)
Sean
Steele
Ryder

Have at it!

Growing up.

Well, when I was finishing up a roll of film from our Yellowstone trip (yes, I said "roll of film", I'm old skool like that) I snapped this photo of Lana waving to me. It's amazing how fast she is growing. It seems like she was born just yesterday and now she is almost 14 months old! She's becoming more like a little girl everyday.

I can't wait until she starts talking more. Her favorite words are hey, duck, dog, that, uh-oh, momma, and dadda (her first word). She signs please and thank you. She can point to her nose, ears, mouth, shoes, and eyes when prompted. She can growl like a beast when you read her a book that requires growling and bark like a dog when she hears Marshall barking. If you say "excellent" she will immediately bring her hands up while tenting her fingers in the style of Monty Burns. She has specific waves for "hey" and "bye, bye". She also blows kisses.

So far her professional resume includes Farr West City 2007 Overall Cutest Baby:

More to follow...

What about Tim?

I blog. Just like Bob Wiley sails, I blog.

Now that I've got a little family of my own I'm not sure how well I'll fit into the whole blogging community. Aren't blogs the perfect medium through which self-indulgent narcissists let the world know how important they are? Is a blog nothing more than a digital shrine dedicated to the egomaniac that manipulates its binary code? A testament of one's self-proclaimed coolitude? If the answers to these questions are "yes", I am in the right place.

It's good to be king!